The Motorized Bicycle Extravaganza
Ladies and Gentlemen
Welcome to the motorized bicycle extravaganza.
Here tonight on this stage you will see the most
Feats of MADNESS!
Feats of INSANITY!
I tell you what, ladies and gents ...
It takes a special brand of courage to undertake the stunts that our DARE-DEVILS will execute here tonight.
The motorized bicycles, that you observe before you are built
for MAXIMUM VELOCITY.
They are MIND-BLOWINGLY fast.
The RED bike you see here is a gas powered bicycle.
The BLUE is an electric bicycle.
Tonight we will PIT the two against each other and see who will come out the winner.
Our gas powered bicycle engine has been PAINSTAKINGLY built, from the ground up, from VERY specialized motorized bicycle plans.
Our electric bicycle is a CLASSIC vintage Schwinn bicycle that has been transformed using one of our URBANE electric bicycle conversion kits.
Electric bicycle or Gas powered bicycles?
That is THE question ...
(Didn't Shakespeare ask the VERY same thing?)
OK, folks ...
While the electric bike is charging up on the bicycle generator over there,
I will use to this time to explain to you how the competition works ...
Each motorized bicycle and its rider, will be loaded into our
We will then shoot the bikes out of the cannon at speeds reaching 220mph.
IF the bicycles land safely ...
And trust me folks this is a very BIG IF.
(The rider of our last gas powered bicycle lit up this tent when he became A HUMAN TORCH!)
The competitors will then race our FEROCIOUS (and hungry),
around the arena, jumping through 12 hoops of RAGING fire!!
SPEED and PRECISION is the name of this game folks.
Last but not Least ...
We put these motorized bicycle riders to the ULTIMATE test of
Accelerating at speeds of 150mhp our riders must ascend our 45-degree bicycle ramp,
Perform a TRIPLE backwards somersault,
And land STANDING on their seats!
IMPOSSIBLE!! I hear you cry.
Well, we will see ...
And please NOTICE ladies and gentlemen,
There ARE no safety nets,
And there IS no safety equipment.
One FALSE move will mean certain DEATH for our bicycle riders!!
Please DON'T try this at home kids.
Your parents will KILL me!!
for those of you looking to convert your bicycles into a mean-machine,
See Frankie-One-Eye, down in Sideshow Alley.
He sells the BEST motorized bicycle plans and electric bicycle conversion kits this side of the equator!
Enough jibber jabber.
Lets get on with the show ...
Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and Girls.
I give you ...